The Conversation
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The last Mind Phases column was about having a conversation with the unconscious mind as a way to develop inspiration for writing. The process is pretty adaptable. It is useful not just for inspiration but to find answers, some comfort, a way to decrease confusion and increase coherence. It is remarkably easy.
Let’s frame it as having a conversation with a stranger. The stranger is your unconscious, the quiet inner voice we all have. Talk to your quiet self and see what it has to say. It knows everything your conscious mind knows, does not have the same limited attention span, and has its own way of seeing things. It sees what you see, but also has a more complex understanding of what those things mean.
The climate emergency, violence in communities, conflict and covid 19 pandemic, all of it is big, important and in your face every day. A lot to take in. The mind does not simply absorb information, it actively integrates it into what you already know, and how you feel about it. The values you live by. The things you believe and will do, the things you might do, the things you will not accept. There are a million facts coming at you every day, and how you take it in, use it, or refuse it depends on your own mind and how well it manages information. That management part means that information must go through phases of conscious and unconscious thought. The back and forth nature of the process can be viewed as like a conversation with someone you do not know all that well.
Some of the elements of a conversation were addressed in the last Substack, The How of Inspiration. There’s showing up; asking questions; listening; bringing in topics to discuss. It is a rhythm of question and answer, giving and receiving thoughts, talking and listening. The pace can be fast or slow, but allowing for time matters. When the answer is intense, give it time for consideration. When the question is complex or overwhelming, allow the quiet side time for consideration. It takes as long as it takes.
Sometimes we mull things over quietly for a long time, while a problem hangs overhead and unresolved. Oddly, the process can be moved along by consciously formulating a question or ask. The unconscious mind actually responds to an expression of need by offering a solution. It must seem overly simplistic to suggest this, but to consciously pose a question or request does streamline the whole process of information transfer. This is not a mystical process, it is information being nudged along from one part of a cycle to another. That is it. Sometimes to get things going in a conversation you just have to ask for more facts, or some help.
The conscious mind may need to communicate clearly that it is searching for something. The unconscious is aware of what the conscious mind is doing, but remember, the two systems do not speak the same language. Clarity matters. Pose yourself a simple, heartfelt question and see if an answer emerges. It might be a while. To sleep on a problem is a standard bit of folk wisdom, but the neuropsychology of information management affirms the process.
Multiple internal conversations can go on simultaneously, but it is possible to redirect some of the flow to a new topic if you prime the pump with information and questions. Conversational openers go along the lines of consciously asking yourself, I don’t understand it which nests in with what do I do about that and I don’t know how I feel about this. Encourage the process of information flow by adding in data, such as reading an article, thinking about what others have done, working out how to operate the new bit of tech.
Then there’s the part where you learn to listen to the replies. What that reply might feel like may be along the lines of there’s the answer, or an understanding all is not well with, I do not feel good about this or I still don’t understand, I need to know more. Another way to discern that the quiet side is talking is a sense of realization, the feeling that things are falling into place. I get it now. It can also feel like recognition. One friend described meeting for the first time the woman he would eventually marry, and it was a feeling of instant recognition. There she is. It can also feel like coming to a big decision. That’s it. I am doing this.
It does not have to be big or dramatic. Waking up one morning with a life changing decision or just realizing how you can tackle a problem, both are the same process at work. The process is this: state a question, add in information and get back an answer. It is just like talking something over with a friend. Here’s this odd thing, I wonder what that was about. Then another perspective, or a long forgotten piece of information is offered and the strange thing makes a little more sense. Minor or consequential, fast or slow, it is a conversation.
It can be a really slow chat. Arriving at a big life decision illustrates the point. In the face of important issues, I have seen friends and patients take up to months to formulate an answer or come to a conclusion. It seemed to depend on how much they knew about a topic, whether they had been collecting information and observations, and some nonverbal process of working out how they felt about a matter. One person I knew pondered a life decision for months before waking up one morning with the major decision to go back to school. Another told me of spending three days in bed doing and thinking nothing before abruptly deciding to end the marriage. The literature on addictions talks about the phase before rehab, of pre-decision, which starts with time spent questioning and consideration before making the decision to enter rehab.
The unconscious mind is working with very different processes than the conscious mind. It works toward a stable, storable configuration for a set of facts and feelings. I wrote more extensively about the Best Fit Test in Mind Phases (2022). Like a response, this part can also take some time. It is not unlike waiting for the Supreme Court to hand down a decision. The answer might take a while, but it will be the final answer. The unconscious delivers its conclusions with the same sense of finality.
It can go faster. A retired police sergeant I know can size up the people in a room instantly. He can tell who is allied with whom and can take a read on character fast. In his line of work, being able to understand these things had implications for the safety of himself and the others present. He had learned this skill on the job, and did not have to consciously think it through anymore. It operated automatically and unconsciously. When on the job, these were things he needed to know in any new setting. He just walked in a room, watched and knew right away who was working with whom and who was trouble. Standing next to him at a party, I might see characteristics of personality. He might see red flags. Same people, same room, different observers, different meanings.
The process of understanding what is going on in the quiet back rooms of your own mind is not complicated and it is useful. For a more eloquent take on the need for conversations with yourself, go to the Poetic Outlaws Substack and read the column from July 24 on the work of psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl: Modern Emptiness and the Search for Meaning. The link is here .